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"Why is this happening to me?"

Yea, right. This can be the question of the day, the year, the century and the millenium.

And much as I don't want my life to be the typical storyline of a soap opera, I really want to scream out this question. But I'm not going to do that. You know why? Cuz I know why these stuff are happening to me, why I have to face these, why I just have to grow up.

These things are happening to me because it's my life. Not yours, hers, his, its. Not theirs. Not anybody else's, but mine. This is my life, and whatever 'this' is is happening to me, and what can I do? Grow up, kiddo.

Sigh. I've gone insane. Turns out pressure makes you trapped inside your own virtual world to talk to your ownself.

Seems like I've been mucking around being all sad these days. So are loads of other people, now that I think about it. Basically, my life these days were horrible. Being flared at by irritated people, flaring at other people because of irratation, and being flared at and flaring at and (story goes on). Urgh. Let's just say I was horrible company these days.

So, I'm just going to calm down now and shut myself in my own world for a little while. Then I'll tell my story.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Remember last month? Let's say I was really depressed. Then I got kinda hopeful and started saying I'll get better and start living life again. That helped -- for a little while. Then there was the mid-year exams. Everyone was friendly. There was a rush to study. All is well.

Then exam ended. The pressure for homework or projects or results emerged. I got by it pretty cool.

Pressure gone, another problem arrived like royalty. There comes the headaches~! All hail deprerssion! Urgh.

FRIENDSHIP PROBLEMS. RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE SUCKS!

Oh well. What can I do? My life, my problem, yep? Life is unfair.

Can I shout out LOUD that I did not steal someone else's boyfriend? Dammit! That hurt a lot. Thanks, kayz? And really, I hope you can continue spreading this so-called truth to as many people as possible, and continue talking behind my back, and continue winning over my so-called friends. I wish you luck. And

To think I thought you as friend. I hate this.

I really hate this. I do.

Most of all I hate myself.

No idea why. Do I need any? Well, yes... I do have a reason for hating myself. But I can't bring myself to say it out loud. Give the kid some space for secrets.

I wanted to cry. I couldn't wait to cry. But I can't. I didn't cry, because I can't bring myself to even cry it all out. I hate this. I hate me being so weak. I hate this 'me' that is not me.

UNCERTAINTY.

I hope this will pass.
My problems aren't as big as the sky, right? =)
Maybe the black hole can help me swallow it up~

Feeling uncertain of myself... This is normal for kids, huh. Signalling its time to grow up. Maybe I will. Reading mushy storybooks has its pros. Maybe this is the sign that whoever is watching over me is giving me a chance to experience more. Turning point, eh?

Yea, I'll leave my optimism with me. I'll need it.

I've changed. I know it. I don't need the people beside me to tell me that I have changed, I know it myself. The way I think, the way I act, the way I talk, the way I just feel. Something changed, I know. And I'm not going to change myself back, because I know that is not possible. Don't tell me nothing's impossible, because erasing knowledge is not possible. I can't turn back to the innocent me. I'm just stuck between innocent and...not innocent.

I'm just going to change for the better. Be a better me. The not-so-innocent me sucks, the not-so-me me is not me, the innocent me is not going to come back. I just have to deal with it and... grow up~ =) haha.

I'm feeling ok now. Much more than before. Being alone is more comforting...now.


Comments:

erm..
dont feel so 'pushed'
everything will be ok
we're always beside u if u need us
we are friends rite?
forever facing probs together.
forever friends.
(:
# Posted by posted by  ♔ℋuei : May 31, 2009 at 7:23 PM

Haha...
the aftermath of pressure...
anyways..try living in a pressure cooker..if u don't do well..u'll explode..
don't explode though...I myself, a day before the camp up north..am writing here..am i not nervous? Yea, i am..And i still can speak.
LIve with pressure..
as for realtionships..its live..BUT dont be obssesed..comeon, we are still in sec school, how bad can it be? Just ignore it..
# Posted by posted by  EmPeRor SalAdIna : May 31, 2009 at 11:32 PM

anyways...just live life well..in our own way..
Add Oil! Life is still an exciting path to take..
# Posted by posted by  EmPeRor SalAdIna : May 31, 2009 at 11:36 PM

March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
November 2012
December 2012
June 2013
November 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014

"Why is this happening to me?"

Yea, right. This can be the question of the day, the year, the century and the millenium.

And much as I don't want my life to be the typical storyline of a soap opera, I really want to scream out this question. But I'm not going to do that. You know why? Cuz I know why these stuff are happening to me, why I have to face these, why I just have to grow up.

These things are happening to me because it's my life. Not yours, hers, his, its. Not theirs. Not anybody else's, but mine. This is my life, and whatever 'this' is is happening to me, and what can I do? Grow up, kiddo.

Sigh. I've gone insane. Turns out pressure makes you trapped inside your own virtual world to talk to your ownself.

Seems like I've been mucking around being all sad these days. So are loads of other people, now that I think about it. Basically, my life these days were horrible. Being flared at by irritated people, flaring at other people because of irratation, and being flared at and flaring at and (story goes on). Urgh. Let's just say I was horrible company these days.

So, I'm just going to calm down now and shut myself in my own world for a little while. Then I'll tell my story.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Remember last month? Let's say I was really depressed. Then I got kinda hopeful and started saying I'll get better and start living life again. That helped -- for a little while. Then there was the mid-year exams. Everyone was friendly. There was a rush to study. All is well.

Then exam ended. The pressure for homework or projects or results emerged. I got by it pretty cool.

Pressure gone, another problem arrived like royalty. There comes the headaches~! All hail deprerssion! Urgh.

FRIENDSHIP PROBLEMS. RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE SUCKS!

Oh well. What can I do? My life, my problem, yep? Life is unfair.

Can I shout out LOUD that I did not steal someone else's boyfriend? Dammit! That hurt a lot. Thanks, kayz? And really, I hope you can continue spreading this so-called truth to as many people as possible, and continue talking behind my back, and continue winning over my so-called friends. I wish you luck. And

To think I thought you as friend. I hate this.

I really hate this. I do.

Most of all I hate myself.

No idea why. Do I need any? Well, yes... I do have a reason for hating myself. But I can't bring myself to say it out loud. Give the kid some space for secrets.

I wanted to cry. I couldn't wait to cry. But I can't. I didn't cry, because I can't bring myself to even cry it all out. I hate this. I hate me being so weak. I hate this 'me' that is not me.

UNCERTAINTY.

I hope this will pass.
My problems aren't as big as the sky, right? =)
Maybe the black hole can help me swallow it up~

Feeling uncertain of myself... This is normal for kids, huh. Signalling its time to grow up. Maybe I will. Reading mushy storybooks has its pros. Maybe this is the sign that whoever is watching over me is giving me a chance to experience more. Turning point, eh?

Yea, I'll leave my optimism with me. I'll need it.

I've changed. I know it. I don't need the people beside me to tell me that I have changed, I know it myself. The way I think, the way I act, the way I talk, the way I just feel. Something changed, I know. And I'm not going to change myself back, because I know that is not possible. Don't tell me nothing's impossible, because erasing knowledge is not possible. I can't turn back to the innocent me. I'm just stuck between innocent and...not innocent.

I'm just going to change for the better. Be a better me. The not-so-innocent me sucks, the not-so-me me is not me, the innocent me is not going to come back. I just have to deal with it and... grow up~ =) haha.

I'm feeling ok now. Much more than before. Being alone is more comforting...now.


Comments:

erm..
dont feel so 'pushed'
everything will be ok
we're always beside u if u need us
we are friends rite?
forever facing probs together.
forever friends.
(: # Posted by posted by  ♔ℋuei : May 31, 2009 at 7:23 PM

Haha...
the aftermath of pressure...
anyways..try living in a pressure cooker..if u don't do well..u'll explode..
don't explode though...I myself, a day before the camp up north..am writing here..am i not nervous? Yea, i am..And i still can speak.
LIve with pressure..
as for realtionships..its live..BUT dont be obssesed..comeon, we are still in sec school, how bad can it be? Just ignore it.. # Posted by posted by  EmPeRor SalAdIna : May 31, 2009 at 11:32 PM

anyways...just live life well..in our own way..
Add Oil! Life is still an exciting path to take.. # Posted by posted by  EmPeRor SalAdIna : May 31, 2009 at 11:36 PM

`ning. `yun. `xintian. `shirli. `yin. `qiqi. `thiamyu. `ahboon. .3xiao
.drama .tea `juncheng. `hooi. `ben. `ceejay. `zhaigen. `melody.

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