= seriously mad . \*17:34
08 December, 2009
Mm. Just fixed myself a sandwich.
Tastes gr8. xD
Spent the best of tdy at the music school.
Im stumped. Blisters on my fingers. @@
Ahh. Swear i'll black out if i see the piano again.
Thats what i do after spending 5 hrs with it in a day.
Panic = When im sitting in frnt of a piano.
I aint brilliant, dont set your assumptions on me.
Im not perfect, dont say its just me being humble.
I suck at music, dont tell me i am totally okay.
Dont ever tell me i should have confidence in myself.
Dont ever say im gonna score because im me.
I just believe in reality.
Reality is: i still need more time to work on it.
I know what i need, i need more practice.
I know how my playing is like, its passable but not scorable.
Dont ever say itll be okay.
You never heard me playing the piano.
You never know. Your not there.
So dont tell me things that arent true.
Guess im stressed out.
Maybe. Possibly. Yea, probably.
But im sick of ppl telling me im good enough.
Ive had enough of it.
I AM NOT PERFECT.
Dont tell me i am.
Dont expect me to be.
Dont ever say i am close to it.
I AM NOT.
And ive had enough of tht shit.
Its not just the piano.
Its everything.
Yea, so my school results are fine.
So what? Doesnt mean im good at it.
Yea, maybe i scored high marks in history.
So? Does that mean im good at it?
Damn it. It does not.
For all i care, i can memorise the whole textbook.
Without even knowing what the hell im memorising.
Like i care about it.
Im tired. Tired of being told: Your good enough.
Other people dream of being perfect.
Why dont i?
I hate it. I hate people telling me
Im good enough. Im close to perfect.
Because fact is: im not.
How many times do i have to say?
I rage at it, i do my hardest to rebel.
So far, ive failed.
And im really really tired.
I dont know what to do.
Im an ordinary girl.
Im no genius, i aint no god.
I may be different, weird, unique.
But im still human.
I make mistakes.
I have weaknesses.
I tire too.
I freak out when other people expect too much of me.
Because i know im not worthy of expectations that high.
Whatever strengths i possess do not put me on the top of the world.
Dont expect it to do tht.
===``*
Guess thats why i hate socializing sometimes.
Sometimes i wish to throw away my phone.
Log out of messenger. Delete facebook.
Hide under my blanket in bed. Go to sleep.
Sometimes i feel pressured by the conversations.
Its like theres too much other ppl expect of you.
I crash. Im blasted. I FREAK OUT.
And i start hating everythng in my life.
Maybe i pressure myself too much.
Maybe its just me expecting too much.
I dont know.
Maybe its just my little psychological problem.
I dont know.
I just know im really tired.
And i dont want to say anything.
I just want to hide away somewhere.
Vent my feelings. Think it out clearly.
I want to spend time alone.
Because you know what?
Sometimes im afraid of people.
Im scared of closeness.
I embrace loneliness, but somehow..
I repel it too.
Maybe thats human nature.
Who knows?
I just know that its me.
Its deeply embedded in me.
Its what i think, who i am.
= REBELLION AGAINST PERFECTION . \*
Comments:
it's my story.
= seriously mad . \*17:34
08 December, 2009
Mm. Just fixed myself a sandwich.
Tastes gr8. xD
Spent the best of tdy at the music school.
Im stumped. Blisters on my fingers. @@
Ahh. Swear i'll black out if i see the piano again.
Thats what i do after spending 5 hrs with it in a day.
Panic = When im sitting in frnt of a piano.
I aint brilliant, dont set your assumptions on me.
Im not perfect, dont say its just me being humble.
I suck at music, dont tell me i am totally okay.
Dont ever tell me i should have confidence in myself.
Dont ever say im gonna score because im me.
I just believe in reality.
Reality is: i still need more time to work on it.
I know what i need, i need more practice.
I know how my playing is like, its passable but not scorable.
Dont ever say itll be okay.
You never heard me playing the piano.
You never know. Your not there.
So dont tell me things that arent true.
Guess im stressed out.
Maybe. Possibly. Yea, probably.
But im sick of ppl telling me im good enough.
Ive had enough of it.
I AM NOT PERFECT.
Dont tell me i am.
Dont expect me to be.
Dont ever say i am close to it.
I AM NOT.
And ive had enough of tht shit.
Its not just the piano.
Its everything.
Yea, so my school results are fine.
So what? Doesnt mean im good at it.
Yea, maybe i scored high marks in history.
So? Does that mean im good at it?
Damn it. It does not.
For all i care, i can memorise the whole textbook.
Without even knowing what the hell im memorising.
Like i care about it.
Im tired. Tired of being told: Your good enough.
Other people dream of being perfect.
Why dont i?
I hate it. I hate people telling me
Im good enough. Im close to perfect.
Because fact is: im not.
How many times do i have to say?
I rage at it, i do my hardest to rebel.
So far, ive failed.
And im really really tired.
I dont know what to do.
Im an ordinary girl.
Im no genius, i aint no god.
I may be different, weird, unique.
But im still human.
I make mistakes.
I have weaknesses.
I tire too.
I freak out when other people expect too much of me.
Because i know im not worthy of expectations that high.
Whatever strengths i possess do not put me on the top of the world.
Dont expect it to do tht.
===``*
Guess thats why i hate socializing sometimes.
Sometimes i wish to throw away my phone.
Log out of messenger. Delete facebook.
Hide under my blanket in bed. Go to sleep.
Sometimes i feel pressured by the conversations.
Its like theres too much other ppl expect of you.
I crash. Im blasted. I FREAK OUT.
And i start hating everythng in my life.
Maybe i pressure myself too much.
Maybe its just me expecting too much.
I dont know.
Maybe its just my little psychological problem.
I dont know.
I just know im really tired.
And i dont want to say anything.
I just want to hide away somewhere.
Vent my feelings. Think it out clearly.
I want to spend time alone.
Because you know what?
Sometimes im afraid of people.
Im scared of closeness.
I embrace loneliness, but somehow..
I repel it too.
Maybe thats human nature.
Who knows?
I just know that its me.
Its deeply embedded in me.
Its what i think, who i am.
= REBELLION AGAINST PERFECTION . \*
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